My so called life

hey its been a long time, i have finally have my own place again so i can control what i eat.  What freedom, i havent eaten a single thing for 2 days an i am still not hungry i think this is what stress and missing someone does so is it good - totally.  Before that i have only had half a sandwich during the day and that has been for 5 days straight. 
Hate my life im am so completly fed up with people especially my parents putting me down im 30 for christ sake leave me alone or be happy for me.
Also started cutting my arms again this seems to be the only way i can release
aint i sad

 well yesterday was a complete nightmare, had the two grapes for breakfast, and a cup of green tea, lunch had the bit of cucumber and a green tea and dinner had a bowl of allbran so that was my 500 cals maybe less for the day.  Then guess what at bloody 8pm opened a tin of "big lamb" soup and have two slices of toast gross or what i am so pissed off with myself.  Think its boredom really i dont know what to say.  But i am going to stick to it today and have a max of 500 cals. had 2 green teas this morning, first one was cold cause i had to feed my daughter.  She always wakes up when i have a cup of tea why is that strange huh!
Its so hard living with my folks, they have all this food in the house and i just want to eat the lot at least when i was in my own place there wasn't anything tempting.  Think i will give myself a bit of a tap on the back as i made roast chicken for my 2 elder children and i didnt have any, just my all bran so thats a start i suppose.  What makes matters worse is at the moment i have a stinking cold i always get that after a hay fever episode and it is so annoying.
My journal post is a bit erratic many apologises my dad is getting up and i better get off soon plus my baby is waking up.  Named her sayuri she was such a a big girl 9 12 and half no wonder i put on so much weight.
If anyone is reading this then hello and hope your doing ok.  Cheers all. xxxxxxxxx

 sorry everyone its been sooooooooo long. My life hit a pretty low point when i had nightmare neighbours, my kids and my self were getting threatened, i started drinking, and not eating, ummmm what else of course started self harmin and took an overdose.  Moved in with folks as it was really bad sad 29 and living with parents.  Good thing had a beautiful baby girl in march, bad side put on all that weight again so im back to the drawing board.  i can only now do exercise as i had a caeserean, sucks huh so started waking kids to school and back and doin a fitness routine.  can definately feel it.  think i need abit of support from you guys though im 13 stone gross or what

starting my fast today as i didn't lose anything last night. so annoyed. hopefully more than 3 days this time, but gotta be careful as i am driving down to devon wednesday. mum and dad want to look after me. good thing is they will have loadsa work for me to do that will burn the cals, just hope they don't start whinging and try to make me eat.
The roof of my mouth is really hurting at the moment so that stops me eating anything yeah.
what else has happened. mmmmm went to doctors and he told me im borline anorexic and bulimic. what does he know. i am sooo tired at the mo i seem to be doing stupid things, i sent a friend and email yesterday cause i thought it was her birthday, guess what got the date right just the wrong month im so dumb.

crap crap crap crap crap. had egg on toast this morning soooooooooo pissed offfffffffff. i am not having anything else today. my tummy aint rumbling so should be ok, i just got burn the 300 cals off now.

half way there now lets see if i can last till day four. i will i will i will. im getting the odd headache but at mo i don't feel weak so hopefully i will be ok tomorrow.i am panicking a little as i have been getting told im drinking toooo much water and could kill myself.

Yeah i did it had absolutely nothing to eat yesterday i wasn't even tempted. (thats a first) im not even hungry today so the fast will continue untill i get too weak then i might hve 171 cals then back to the fasting, but i want to keep this up for at least 4 days - a week. I am very determined, weighed myself this morning and dropped two pounds it is so worth it but i still have a long way to go.
think thin - food baaaaaaaaad